If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
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